Yep, you read that correctly. I spanked my child. I was caught up in an exceedingly stressful moment and spanked my kid. As soon as I did it, I felt shame, horrible, gut wrenching shame. I have 2 boys and my oldest was never spanked, maybe he got a total of like 3 spankings in his life, and he is now an adult.
I had my little one with me at a school function/bake sale and he was insanely excited to be there and went crazy. I tried to reign him in and I am usually very good with getting him to obey and behave, but I was preoccupied, which was his opportunity to get away with anything he wanted.
Seeing him go crazy, plus being exhausted from the function, plus getting home late to rush to make a quick dinner, dealing with barking dogs etc, just had me going nuts The worst part was that I hadnt eaten in hours so I was extremely hungry and cranky. It was the perfect combination for me to lose it.
So I tell him to go take a quick shower so he can eat and get to bed fast since it was past his bedtime. He decides to come dancing out of the bathroom, taunting me like he had the entire night. I yelled at him and he still didn’t listen. So I yelled again and swatted his butt.
At first he laughed, cause it didnt really sink in and he thought I was giving him a playful pat like I usually to when we are playing around, but it finally hit him and he started to wail.
Now, I know I’m a good mom, a great mom even. I put my kids at the top of my list no matter what. I coach their sports, I volunteer at school, do homework, read with them, the list goes on. And I really like doing those things, cause being a good, involved parent was a dream of mine due to having the opposite as a child.
But I feel truly crappy. I did apologize to him and put soothing aloe on his little butt (he is 8). He had a small red mark, nothing terrible, but enough to drive home the guilt.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still believe there are moments when a child needs a spanking. Those moments should be extremely rare and not even necessary for every child, but I do believe they are sometimes necessary in extreme situations.
However, this was not one of those moments. This was 100% my fault, my doing. I lost my cool completely and my child paid the price.
So this is one currently guilty mom who is just venting her shame cause she should have known better. I need to remember this day and remember that my child should never be held responsible for my own shortcomings, no matter how much rationalizing I can do about it. It’s not fair in any way. I’m so so sorry.